I Need My Liberty Back!
by KatieMacLove
Summary: Pezberry Family!one-shot. Five year old Tyler Berry-Lopez makes a call to Viagra to get his 'Liberty' back. Please give me your response, reviews, and ideas. Thanks :) Kay


**A/N: I own nothing! I just wanted to write this because I saw a commercial and thought this would be cute. **

**Santana's POV**

I sat there in my office at home while Tyler was watching TV in the front room, waiting for Rachel to get home. I look over at the photos that surround my desk and smile at the one we took at the Rockefeller Tree on Christmas. Tyler's five year old eyes are as bright and expressive chocolate as his Mama's. Rachel's smile was brighter than the fucking tree as she looked at me with Tyler on my shoulders. I told her to face forward. I should have known she wouldn't listen. I shake my head and think of how the fuck I married a loud, singing, cute, and sexy midget ten years ago. My life has never been better.

I'm brought out of my musing when I hear a loud pitter-patter of tiny feet running my way. "MAMI!" I hear him yell halfway down the hall. _ Damn his loudness from Rachel. _A head of curly brown lair blurs into my office as he runs up to my desk.

"What's wrong, Mijo?" I pick him up and sit him in my lap. He thrust the house phone in my hand.

"Here. The lady said you have to be on the phone so you can pay to get my liberty back!" He looks at me with wide doe-eyes and sticks out his lower lip. _Oh no, he did not just make it tremble._

"Who are you talking to? Are you talking to strangers? I didn't hear the phone ring. Did you call without permission again, Tyler?" With each word his head goes lower until he rests it in the crook of my neck and he whimpers.

"I had to! Mama said I should always have liberty 'cause I'm an American and I need it! The man on the TV said that I could get it back for twenty dollars a month if I call now! So I picked up the phone and called Viagra so he could give it to me but then this lady answered and she won't let me buy it because I'm not a grown up! So you have to buy it for me! Please, Mami, I need it!" he cries into my neck. I feel his tears run down my shirt and I rub his back. It he wasn't so serious and crying, I would have been rolling on the floor with laughter.

"Oh, Mijo… that's not liberty." I chuckle. "Let me talk to the lady and get you some juice" He looks up from my neck and wipes his eyes.

"Why are you laughing at me? It's not funny, Mami! I need it because I'm an American!" He crosses his arms and pouts, so much like Rachel. I chuckle again and pat him on his back and he crawls off my lap. I stand up and put the phone to my ear. "Tyler, wait for me in the living room and watch some cartoons, I'm going to get you some juice and find you some liberty, okay?"

"Okay." He smiles and runs to the living room. I let out a loud laugh before I put the phone to my ear. I walk over to the cabinet to pull out a wine glass.

"Hello? Is this Viagra?" I chucked. I hear the lady on the phone chuckle as well as a few other voices. I guess she must have put it on speaker because this is just too funny to pass up at a Viagra phone line.

"_Yes, this is Mercedes Jones; I'm a pharmacist at the Viagra phone line. It seems you have quite the politician on your hands!"_ she laughs. The laughter travelling through the phone makes me laugh harder.

"I know, right! He's the next five year old governor! Omg, I can't believe he thought libido was liberty. I have to get my wife to stop telling him these big words! He's in kindergarten!" I laughs again as I sip on a glass of wine and pull a juice box out the fridge for Tye.

"_Ha-ha! That is just too cute for words! I'm guessing you won't need anything though. I wish I could say the same for my husband. Hahaha!"_ She lets out a hardy bark of laughter. I laugh again, she's a funny person.

"Oh! Could we please, please, please prank my wife! This is too good to pass up!" I give Tye his juice and ruffle his hair. He scrunches his nose up and sticks his tongue out, causing me to chuckle. _My son is so cute._

"Sure, what's her name and what's your plan?" Mercedes asks with a hint of malic in her voice.

"Rachel Berry-Lopez. Since we're all in New York, do you have someone that could wear a police uniform and go the Broadway?"

"_The singer? Hell yeah, I can do that! My husband's best friend, Puck, is a cop and loves pranks. I'll call him now." _

She calls Puck and we set up the prank of a lifetime.

"Perfect, keep each other updated."

** PEZBERRY*0*0*0*0*0*0*0* PEZBERRY****PEZBERRY*0*0*0*0*0*0*0* PEZBERRY*0*0*0*0*0*0*** **PEZBERRY*0*0*0*0*0*0*0* PEZBERRY**

**Rachel's POV**

I was just finishing the opening song for _Hello Dolly_ rehearsals when I noticed my director taking to a police; _weird_. I don't pay them any mind and head to my dressing room to get dressed so I can go home to my baby body and my wife. Tyler is just a ball of energy, I wonder if he wore his Mami out talking to her about school. I chuckle at his antics. I swear he sneaks pixie sticks in his lunch box before we go to school.

I'm wiping the stage make up off my face when I hear I knock at my door_. "Mrs. Berry-Lopez?"_ I wonder who that is, they sound formal.

"It's open!" I look up in the mirror to the door when it opens and I'm startled to see the same police man from earlier. His tall, tan skin is bulky and towers over me. I wonder what he's doing here…

"are you Rachel Berry-Lopez, wife of Santana Berry-Lopez and mother of Tyler David Berry-Lopez?" He asks in a serious voice as he puts his hands on the front of his belt and pull out a mini notebook.

"Yes. I am. Did something happen? Oh God, Tyler! What happened to my baby?! Did something happened to Santana! She was supposed to go home straight after she picked up Tyler from school! Was it Quinn,"

"Mrs. Lopez"

"-Omg! She was in another accident, wasn't she! Was SANTANA in an accident! Did she get robbed? -"

"Mrs. Lopez-"

"OH MY GOD! She was stabbed! I'm a single mother on Broadway! ANSWER ME!" I'm near hysterics and I know 'm being irrational but they don't call me a diva for nothing.

"MRS. BERRY-LOPEZ! Let me talk!" he says with police authority. "I'm Officer Noah Puckerman, I've been sent to get you concerning you son, Tyler, and no he is not harmed, injured, or endangered. I've been sent here because your son has been ordering products that are illegal for children on his age. We do not take things like this lightly at the NYPD."

_I feel faint. I need to sit down. I need to call Santana and ask her what the hell is going on. _I take a seat on the couch and press my hand to my heart. "What do you mean illegal products for his age?! Let me call my wife." I pull out my cell phone and dial Santana's number.

"_Hey, baby."_ I know she did not just 'Hey, baby' me!

"No, Santana Maria Lopez! You do not get to "Hey Baby me!" Not when the police is fucking down here at my job asking questions about Tyler's apparent illegal activity."

"_Babe, calm down. I'm on the phone with the company now. We're going to clear things up. No need to worry, Rach." I scoff incredulously. _

"No need to worry? I'm about to have a fucking stroke at the brain, Santana! What the hell is this? Why the hell is my baby being investigated? How could my _five_ year old son be ordering illegal products. He is FIVE FUCKING YEARS OLD, SANTANA!" I seethe.

_They fucking brought out the mama bear. _

"What the fuck is it anyways? What the hell kind of company sells shit to a five year old?"

"Mrs., you need to calm down immediately." Officer Puckerman says. I'm far too mad to calm down.

"You need to back the fuck up immediately! Someone needs to tell me what the hell is going on!"

"_Whoa! Rachel! Don't get mad! It's not illegal! It's just not legal for his age group. It was only a little bit of Viagra! I didn't even know that he was ordering it, babe."_

"How could you be so fucking irresponsible? How the hell do you not know that our _son _was ordering fucking VIAGRA?!"

"_He only wanted his liberty back!" what? _

"His what?!"

She cracks up laughing as does officer Puckerman. _"He wanted to have liberty because you said American's have liberty. He misunderstood he commercial and called them."_ She laughed.

_I cannot believe this. _

"This was a prank?" I ask looking at Noah with the phone to my ear. They laugh even harder.

"_Gotcha, baby! Hahah!" _ I can envision her doubled over with laughter. _I need a drink. _

"You did get be baby, it was a good prank."

"_So you're not mad, right? It was just a funny joke out of something that Tyler did. No big deal, right?"_ she asks, her laughter fading into concern. _ I've trained her well, but not well enough._

"Baby I'm not mad! You might be though…"

"_Wha- what do you mean?"_

"You won't be using your _Liberty_ for quite some time on the couch."

"_WAIT, RACHEL! I DIDN'T MEAN IT! IT WAS- "_

"I love you, Baby. Give Tye a kiss; I'll be home soon. Bye." I hung up and look at Officer Noah.

"You have a wonderful talent for acting, you should give me a call and I could set up an audition with some casting directors for you." I say with a smile. I give him my card. He gives me a charming smile.

"Thank you, Mrs. Berry-Lopez. I look forward to it!" we walk out the door and he turns to me before he gets in his car. "Give the Mrs my luck." He tips he hat and drives off.

_She'll need it. _


End file.
